Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
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