So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
