Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
