you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
