ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
We're too hungover to prance.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
