i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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