she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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