I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
