the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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