there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
sarcasm needs its own font
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
