Your favorite bartender is back from prision
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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