my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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