Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
