Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize