hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Blood and glitter go together right?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize