my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
