Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
