Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Randomize
