I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
