drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
