I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
pray to the hookup gods
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
