She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
