God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Randomize
