who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
