They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
