It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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