You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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