Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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