I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
