Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
