the day after is always just damage control
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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