If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
