I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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