he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
