We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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