Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
