are you still at the devil's house?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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