all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
