Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
