Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
