The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
