Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
