my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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