I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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