The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
