remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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