ugly people sure do ruin things
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
