I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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