he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
