I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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