Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
