Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
