My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
