I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
