her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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