i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
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