Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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