Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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