My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
is that a dick in a sweater?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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