you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I'm having to shit out rocks
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
