dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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