Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
