I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
