Sacagawea was the original milf.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Randomize
