the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
