look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
