He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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