What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
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