I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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